


A Hui Hou (Until We Meet Again)

by kho



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Episode Related, Episode: s05e07 Ina Paha (If Perhaps), Gen, M/M, Possibly Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-03
Updated: 2016-02-03
Packaged: 2018-05-17 22:34:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5887855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kho/pseuds/kho
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set during Ina Paha, because drugged up Steve makes any manner of nonsensical things ficcable...</p><p>
  <i>Steve reaches up and scrubs at his eyes but when he blinks them open he sees Freddie again, navy fatigues and dog tags and Kelly tattoo and grin. The way he always tries to picture him, the way he struggles to try and remember him, instead of the dried out husk in the tall grass with broken bones and hollowed out eye sockets.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Hui Hou (Until We Meet Again)

**Author's Note:**

> I blame this on tumblr users @copbydayfangirlbynight and @weinsanedreamer for luring me in with their Steve angst and talk of Freddie, whose in exactly one episode for like, ten minutes, but is so gorgeous and beautiful and had the most amazing smile and literally? Finished winning me over in bloopers by saying he’s not that kinda girl. Yes. Bloopers.
> 
> I don't know why Ina Paha is where I saw my opening to write Freddie, but. I just did.

“Hey.”

Steve coughs and tries to open his eyes. “Don’t wanna.”

“Up and at ‘em buddy.”

“No, not time for drills. Need sleep.”

“Not drills. You’re in this padded bullshit room that’s all white out of a fucking horror movie, remember?”

Steve’s eyes fly open. “Freddie?”

Freddie grins, that huge wide open amazing grin that makes everything seem right in the world when bombs are exploding all around them and bullets are whizzing past their ears. “See? Now you know you’re fucked up.”

Steve swallows and his stomach turns. He only just manages to not throw up. “You’re dead.”

“Very good, gold stars,” Freddie says, knocking into Steve’s shoulder. He smells like dust and grass and sweat.

Steve reaches up and scrubs at his eyes but when he blinks them open he sees Freddie again, navy fatigues and dog tags and Kelly tattoo and grin.  The way he always tries to picture him, the way he struggles to try and remember him, instead of the dried out husk in the tall grass with broken bones and hollowed out eye sockets.  

The way he tries to think about him so that he can remember Freddie with love and light and happiness, not this pit in the bottom of his stomach that tastes like bile and blood.

“I miss you so much, bubba.”

Freddie rolls his eyes, wrapping his arm around Steve’s shoulder. “Well no shit, dude, of course you do. I’m a hard guy to forget. You’ll be ninety and still missing me, big guy.”

Steve nods. “I will. Always.”

“But that’s not why I’m here now,” Freddie says.   “See you’re kind of losing your mind here and you need to get your shit straight.”

“They’re drugging me,” Steve says, leaning hard into Freddie’s warmth and closing his eyes.

“Yeah, and see. Danny in a fucking Aloha shirt? No.”

Steve looks at him. “What?”

“I’m a figment of your imagination bud, see, you know you’re starting to lose touch with which reality is real,” Freddie says, letting him go and turning to face him. “Despite the fact that Danny is wearing a loud ass colorful Hawaiian shirt which, seriously, should be enough to let you know you’re in trouble.”

“You don’t know Danny,” Steve says, frowning at him.

“No but I’m not me, see? I’m the me in your head, Smooth Dog, and the me in your head knows Danny pretty well. One might say, as well as you know him.” Freddie smiles and laughs, a big booming laugh that hurts Steve’s heart to depths he didn’t even know he could reach anymore. “I wonder if he would have liked me.”

Steve nods. “He would’ve.”

Freddie tilts his head. “I dunno, he’s not the hugest military fan.”

“He would’ve liked you. The first time he heard you laugh, he would have fallen in love with you just like I did,” Steve says, nodding.

“Wow,” Freddie says, sitting back. “That’s a change.”

“What is,” Steve asks, scrubbing at his face again.

“I don’t think I ever heard you say you loved me before,” Freddie says, bumping a knee against him. “Not that I didn’t know.”

“Life happens too fast,” Steve says, looking away. “You gotta say shit or you don’t get a chance to say it.” Looking back at Freddie he shakes his head. “You don’t say things, and then your sitting in a truck leaving the best guy you’ve ever known to die in a fucking field and it takes three years to get back his body and you never even said I love you. I need you. I miss you.”

Freddie just continues to grin and nods his head. “Yeah well. I guess that’s just how it goes when you dedicate your life to serving your country.”

“I never should have left you,” Steve says, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. “I shoulda dragged your ass back with me. At least then they wouldn’t have… they wouldn’t have.”

“Listen, we can talk about your issues later, okay,” Freddie says softly. “Because I know you know I told you to go. You know I don’t blame you. You know I would never blame you. You know all of these things, so this guilt, this self-hatred over it? That’s you, Steve. That’s not me.”

“But I _left you_.”

“Damn straight,” Freddie says, nodding firmly. “Just like you would’ve told me to leave you. But that’s not why we’re here.”

“Why are you here,” Steve asks, staring at the wall that had moments… minutes… hours?... earlier showed the home movie of him as a kid. The news report about his mother’s death. “Why am I here? Where’s Danny?"

“That,” Freddie says, pointing at him. “That’s why I’m here. That question right there, Where’s Danny. That’s what you need to keep repeating to yourself.”

Steve frowns. “What?”

“Because they’re fucking with you, these guys, they’re fucking with you. Drugging you. And you know it’s only going to get worse, and you’re retreating into your head already. Which I get? I do? But you gotta hang onto reality a little bit and get through this okay?”

“So,” Steve says, swallowing and looking into Freddie’s eyes. “What you’re saying to me is I’m retreating too into my subconscious, and my way of getting myself out of my subconscious is to create a physical manifestation of my dead best friend and have him talk to me?”

Freddie cracks up laughing and Steve joins him because oh God, he’s missed that sound. The free abandon with which Freddie laughed, the way he just didn’t give a fuck if it was loud, or obnoxious, or disturbed other people. The way there was nothing hidden, the way he gave it so freely without thought, and the way he never, ever held it back. It makes Steve feel light in a way he hasn’t in years.

“Well. I never said it made fucking sense, man. It’s _your_ brain.”

Steve pulls his feet up and wraps his arms around his legs. “God it’s good to see you, man. Real or not. You’re beautiful.”

“Right,” Freddie agrees with a huge shit-eating grin, pointing at his face. “This face man. This face, this body.”

Steve looks him over, reaching out to wrap his fingers around Freddie’s arm, just to hold him there. Keep him as long as he could. “Punk.”

“So keep it in mind yeah? Because I can hear them coming. They’re coming okay? And you just keep it in mind, what’s real, what isn’t. That Danny’s coming. He’s gonna come get you, you know that.”

Steve nods. “Yeah. Danny.”

“Your replacement me.”

Steve frowns. “What?”

“Danny. The guy that replaced me in your heart,” Freddie says, motioning. “Come on, you know that.”

“What are you talking about,” Steve asks, unable to breathe for some reason. “No one would _ever_ replace you.”

“I don’t mean like you forgot me, Steve, obviously no one would ever forget this face,” he says with a grin. “I mean after I died, you walked around this this Freddie shaped hole in your heart. And it’s still there, I know that. But Danny filled it up a little. He patched it up a little, enough so you could move on without me.”

“You’re nothing alike,” Steve says, shaking his head. “He could never fill the… Freddie shaped hole.” Frowning Steve looked at him. “Seriously, Freddie shaped hole? What is that? Who says that?”

“I know that, bud. We’re not the same at all. He’s dark where I’m light. He’s anger where I’m happy. He’s heavy where I’m light.” He leans a shoulder into Steve and catches his eyes. “But there are ways in which we _are_ the same, Steve. The way his smile fills your soul up. The way his laugh heals all your wounds, even if only for that moment. The way he’s always gonna have your back, like I did. The way you love him, like you love me.”

Tears fill Steve’s eyes. “He didn’t replace you.”

Freddie reaches over and cups Steve’s face. “I know. I don’t mean it like that, that would diminish us _and_ dimish ya’ll. That’s not what I mean. What I mean is, I was there for you in a time in your life where I was what you needed, Steve. And now, he’s what you need.”

“I love you, bubba.”

Freddie’s smile is soft and sad but still so beautiful. “I love you too, Smooth Dog.”

He’s gone but Steve can still hear him.

_Stay strong._

_I’ll always have your back._

_He’ll be here._


End file.
